the gift of christmas

he knows the story behind every scar

he keeps record of my hair growth

down to the last strand, he knows

he knows about every tear drop,

not just the story behind the tear

but the hurt and pain , the reason for the tear.

every breath, till my life support is cut off

he'll know.

its not his duty, infact am just a creation

but he loved me soo much. he sacrificed his best for me

though i did not love him and couldnt care less if he came or not

he still felt the need to try to save me.

i,  the one that didnt love him infact i hated him

hated him for reasons i do cant point out (no reason at all)

for as history would tell, he was just a good man

a very good man, he had no crime

why did i hate good? i stop to think.

christmas is a gift to all men, women, children 


not considering race, tribe, religion or age


christmas is a gift to the world. share love

selah

Dearest Diary.

I really need to start finishing things i start... we really should listen to our mothers,they see the things we cant see. As Nneka would always tell me "u cant see what an old woman like me would see seating on a bench even if a girl like you climbs an iroko tree". laugh my ass off my dearest Nekus is just 23 oh *long hiss*
so my dear people, the year is almost over, december ya"ll halleluyah! Todays post is about 2 good things that happened today

1) my pastors sermon 
2) my 50000 naira prize money :D

My Pastors sermon

Church today was good as usual,  i came in a tiny bitty late, so missed the praise but uhlalalah worship was just taking off.Dare Art Alade was at church today  (for those that dont know, he is a FRESH rnb singer in naija), he was so nice and friendly when we were asked to welcome our neighbors and introduce ourselves, he actually welcomed like 8 people naice yeh?normally peeps just acknowledge 2 neighbours, the right and left ones lol #idoittoo, he was also with a woman,so my excitement is pure #nostringsattached lol. Sha, sha, sermon today was about telling ones self the truth and how you only get transitions when youve been truthful with yourself about 'your own damn self'. makes sense!

The good began when i took it upon myself to be brutally honest, i told myself some bitter truths..choi, pierced my heart my own Gaddamn heart. the list of ugly truths about me ugly so i wont bore with a list out (man must keep secrets hehe)
the truth is very bitter sha, but admittedly very good therapy in the end. it was painful oh, i wont lie, some of us have to admit crazy thing eg i am a liar, a cheat, an abuser, arrogant, unkind, annoying etc admitting it is the 1st step to change and we know that positive change is progress.

hey, am not beating myself out about the painful truth tho and i advice we shouldnt (forgive yourself - Japari told me that) am just loving my past,letting go of it and am looking forward to a better future
FCHW- stands for faith, consistency and Hardwork - @spokenreasons uhhhh i love this guy, he funny but he speaks the truth
watch this pls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5gbBIobRKs&feature=g-u

So the bitter truth i found out was that my mum was right all along:(. You know how you never want her to be right?well my mum was right, she would say "karen u never finish what u start, you would clean half way and now stop and watch movie, when would you finish" i didnt know any better then or i refused to change the habit. whichever way, that attitude is a showoff of Lack of consistence and Lazyness , is it not to clean and watch tv in a nice clean room? admitting i am lazy was tough but it'll be worth it in the long run. i'll work at changing conciously now.
the truth is more bitter than the fact that my mum is right, its the fact that the habit followed me into present time. as i have washed half my clothes nd the rest is just staring at me, half of my ward robe is neat the rest is a sight, i cleaned my room but didnt throw the gabbage *closes eye* etc these are the little things, just imagine the huge things ive left half way.

this must stop! this would stop :) consistent karen is the goal. hehe

now my 50000 naira win

yayyyyyyy my christmas is already a miracle.
mehn the recession on my end is fatal, but what do you know,
God has kept me :)
so fusion lifestyle had another shopping event today and i was the lucky winner of 50000 naira shopping cash :) ohlawd! the joy oh jesu babami oh haha almasihu lawd! 
i did my christmas shopping there and there, like what a relief, one thing crossed out off my todo list these year, everybody has a GOOD gift
#iamBlessed
so thats the end of the story..lol

my desire is that all of you get lifted from whereever you are.as the new year creeps in we all need to start telling ourselves some bitter truths, who deserves the truth better than you ;), positive change is progress, we all deserve some LIFTing

#note: whoooooohoooooooooooo 20 days to christmas

letter to my Ex

You are perfectly happy, so dis isn't about you. Its just a letter to u after 2 yrs its to inform you of basically everything u already know.

Oct 24th 2009

Everything felt stupid,
I was sure as hell I was awake in the wrong world
was so sure i was dreaming (absolutely sure)
screamed!cried!shouted!
shouted at Abu shittu (had to put some blame somewhere ..Abu understood thankfully).
I coudn't sleep,
U can't sleep in a dream can u? Inception hehe.

Oct 25th 2009

Drove down to zaria. thought of nothing Nothing...
I couldn't think. literally felt nothing..numb
i just kept reciting the date in my head (24th october 2009)
someone said it happened 5am.

Your mum had the saddest face I've ever seen,
And your dad said the bravest thing a man in that state could say
He lookd at the framed pic on the wall, then asked me to read it,
it said " God is love" .
he then explained that God loves us all nd if he felt it was alright to take u to be with him then it must have been out of love..
love for me, for everybody who mattered in dis case nd love for you .
I'm not sure this speech helped ur dad as much as it helped me.

later that evening, u knw what happened lol x_x
I've always had to kick ass cos of u,
this time I kickd ass for you in ur absence physically.
laughed that night cos I knew somewhere you were laughing too (Sighhhh....)

Oct 26 2009

They put u in the ground,
I swear I wanted to pray u back to life..
My mouth couldn't move.
just felt someone hold me and the sound of someone shouting out to kunle to hold me..
i guess i was falling at that moment even gravity couldnt hold me to the ground (makes sense in my head).
I wasn't sure then but now I know something stopped me from praying you back to life
as much as selfish me wanted you on earth than with God,
my mouth failed to move.
i'll never know if God would have answered..
couldn't even pray in my mind..
i know now that its because
you found peace and it was us you were bothered about..
rather No pain than much pain right? Only u can get that.

U fought battles
Not mare battles,
 Nothing anyone who isn't you could imagine
U were brave..
you were very kind
U found love so u got everything life had to offer and at its best.
God, family , friends and me .
 U were happy that's all that matters
U are are happy that's all that matters now
 To have known You is a blessing..
no matter how short that chapter of my life was
Life goes on...memories are forever...You are forever.

 Life is a Race, I found a friend ...he won his race. till we meet again on the other side.

... Moment when you step back into reality

that moment when you step back into reality
when everything experienced prior to this minute
becomes ' just a figment of imagination'
everything goes and is forgotten, but the feeling
the feeling lingers..
you felt it..it felt really good.

now you pause..trying to remember...

but its gone. puff!! all a dream 

cruel reality snatched it away

all you have left is the feeling

memories of the feeling linger

thats why you smile :)

you'll want it again

you wont deny yourself of a lovely dream while you are asleep

its called rest..dreams can follow.

you've dreamt before, havent you?

so you love a good dream...or dont you?

why limit yourself to a good dream only at night?

i hear people preaching "dream big"

i hope we are all listening?

dreams are escape doors from reality (cool fact)

dream big while you're escaping your reality.

if dreams come true or not is not the issue

im trying to say; we all deserve escape sometimes

dont limit 'escape' to a dream at night

that may or may not come

do it while you can, anytime you can

Martin Luther King God rest his soul

had a dream, and boy that dream was huge

guess what ;  reality didn't stop him from dreaming.

and i know he smiled when obama made that speech

even his wife testified that his dream came true

in this life or the next

maybe a dream would make you smile.

do not delude yourself of your reality

but never, ever stop dreaming.

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm

reminds me of a prior post : http://forjaydaemon.blogspot.com/2011/06/what-i-didnt-say.html

A Note

the words touched me...like they actually reached out to touch me lol..hope you enjoy it as much as i did..
 Lifes Bitter Lessons

 (Emotions)
they say the good die young a good heart younger
a good mind even younger Be brave,
the load should make you stronger
 In pain cry when your heart hungers cos when the tears are gone and faith is restored
the pain lingers no longer
Trust may fail, dont be scared to trust another cos being trustworthy, is the stuff of true brothers The heat may come, think of it as the weather Summer burns,
 but later on its autumn and winter
come whatever, lifes crap and the better
 a heart that believes lasts for forever
Yaaay, screw you second-chance non believers!!!
 If Jesus did the same where wud you be? the gallows or the hangers?
They say trust no man, i dont either i just believe in men,
 and trust their faith to save us
 And in no way should this make me a free thinker Religion is key,
 nonetheless, whichever way, in whatever

  (Business)
The ugly truth is money defines you
makes you and marrs you
money and you is a clearer definition of you
 its in your hands, and thats all there is to you
 how you react to it is a true picasso of you
 Don't cry if people owe you cheat you,
 short you or never pay you
 the only money you truely have is what is on you
 Cos in matters of money,
 alot of expectations would be cut short right before you
 Loved ones would two-time and backstab you
Nothing pays more in life than being you
 Thats something no one can take from you save you.
 Let the quality of your work make you
 Set you as a standard in full view work hard and smart,
be the best in you at all, everything, and what you do.
 Cos thats true pay, your true value
 The best partnerships are between friends same is the easiest to undo
betrayal from a friend is something you cant anticipate nor undo
 Imagine the nigger! after all we've been tru?! Ive said that alot o!!! so why cant you?
and even after all this, it happens again, fresh and brand new and yet we still work with friends, what else can we do? but wait. ask yourself, that cheating bastard right, is that you?

 (Pain)
true pain is heart deep,
to toil and hustle is pain and that road is steep
never forget that it is in pain you shall reap.
Its real pain that puts the value in sleep
Its hard work even for a cheat nothing in this life is free, save for the air you breathe
and the salvation you have and the faith you believe
Pain from a loved one turns up the heat like no other pain,
the venom from a friend is the deepest spit in that pain,
be calm, listen to your heart beat be still, let the anger slip
In life pain you must meet, its the only way to genuinely live
The real people living are those in whose hands pain has suffered defeat
leaving them cheerful, happy and open to all they meet
Bearing scars of the past, walking on cold feet and yet keep a smile so wide
it bores dimples 2 inches deep
Real pain is void of words, its a blank gaze, its unique cos when the heart cries,
only God hears, and that stuff is deep
the tears we shed, most times bring down the bp and the silence after is a burning rollercoaster, no words, u cant speak
loose a loved one and ud know all of this
not just any loved one, someone who everyday you see
If God made pain, then pain we shall meet
its the faith in God we have tru pain, that makes us humble and meek

 (Life)
Live today like it ends today have no regrets,
theres no room for dismay
cos when youre old and your hairs' turned grey
it pays to smile then, smile genuinely
for a time well spent, for the yesterdays
live great, live amazed marvel at men,
at the things God creates live like an explorer,
finding new things each day wandering in foreign land,
helping as we can, lending as much aid
cos this life is not home, and to home we all would return someday
to be asked what we did, how we faired,
how we earned our pay to live well is cheap,
kamarr da gaske to live happy is cheap,
ask a poor man anyday contentment is good living,
its an umbrella in the rain
The best of life is in family, and experiences everyday

 (love) 
Always love, never stop loving
each day we live, trying to make a living
as long as youre living you keep on dying
life is too short to stop loving
its more profitable to live loving than to love living
True love may be the stuff of legends
write your story that one day youd be a legend
If you cant love, why are you living
If you stop loving, whats the point still living?
Life is great, if only spent loving
live for a cause, something more than living
like saving the world, if only for an evening picking up after you,
living a clean living easier for women, men just get by in and in
life is to be enjoyed is a very true saying
enjoy the good and the bad, is the latter part of that saying the part no one mentions,
for fear of negatives reacting
but aint that the truth?
stand up if your denying monkey chase baboon,
therein lies mans origins if its fake its fake, and that not living

 (Work) 
work and give it your best
Your work is no ghetto street contest be thorough,
be sure its the best be worthy of your pay,
buoyant or small cos a worthy seed on fertile ground would fall
have faith in growth, do not gloat
for in the darkest of days, it would keep you afloat
do the same routine, change the style, give it your most
Be the difference, one cuflink at a time,
starting from the little is good growth
hate the wrong, even if you cant in public show
never compromise your heart, thats the only real you yknow
mark your progress, goal to goal
be grateful for your job, never for the payroll
the pay would forever be crap, didnt you know
mo money mo problems,
and problems go deff show

 Keeping Faith in the Thunderstorm...



honoured to have Suleiman Barka Wagamis' (author)  "lifes bitter lessons" on my blog.

WE JUST DON'T KNOW IT ALL...AT LEAST NOT JUST YET.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT GOD IS GOOD...
SCRATCH THAT, I DO NOT 'HAVE TO',
RATHER I 'CHOOSE TO' BELIEVE THAT GOD IS GOOD.

I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE SIMPLE THINGS...
I CANNOT EXPLAIN AIR. THE ONE THING I SURVIVE ON DAILY,
MY ONLY NECESSARY ADDICTION.

FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT; I HAVE NO EXPLANATION AS TO MY ENTITLEMENT TO 'AIR'
I MUST BELIEVE IN A BIGGER POWER,
SOMEONE BIGGER MUST EXIST.
THUS MY FAITH...

ITS PRETTY HARD TO UNDERSTAND,
SCRATCH THAT, ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING,
I MEAN I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY INNOCENT PEOPLE GET INJUSTICE,
OR WRAP MY BRAIN AROUND WHY SOME SICKNESS EVEN EXIST.
ALL I HAVE IS BELIEF... BELIEF IN SOME GREATER PURPOSE,
THAT A BIGGER BEING IS IN CONTROL.
HENCE MY FAITH...

I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE I WAS CREATED, AND THAT THE CREATOR IS GOOD.
I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THERE IS A PURPOSE FOR EVERY ACTION.
I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN A HIGHER POWER,TO BIG FOR THE HUMAN MIND TO COMPLETELY CONCEIVE.


I WANT TO BELIEVE ITS NOT ALL MARE...
I REFUSE TO ACCEPT AN EXISTENCE WITH FEAR OF ALL THE UNKNOWNS.
I ADMIT, SOMETIMES ALL I KNOW IS FEAR, COS HOPE SOMETIMES SEEMS SO MARE.
BUT TO WHAT GAIN, IF ALL MY DAYS I LIVE IN FEAR?

I LIKE TO BELIEVE, THAT JUST MAYBE THERE IS SOME GOOD Vs BAD BATTLE (this gives some hope)
AND THAT MAYBE JUST MAYBE LIKE GAME CHARACTERS WE FIGHT TO SURVIVE..
I HATE TO BELIEVE DESTINY IS FIXED
I LIKE TO BELIEVE 'WE JUST DONT KNOW IT ALL..AT LEAST NOT JUST YET'.

scratch the AA LOL

inspired by 'i smile' - Kirk Franklin

we interact with people every now and then,
more often than not these people help me mold my perspective of life.
welcome to my brain..... phew

Every night before i sleep, i am subconsciously happy.
subconsciously.. because i may not be visually wearing this grin

however, the promise of hope keeps me going.

Anything and everything can happen in 1 sec,
and just maybe..this time what happens would turn out for my own good..
if it doesn't, then oh well "when there is life there is hope" in it?

Too many sad people, why join them?
I could choose to wear gloom,cos things aren't always that rosy here either,
but of what good would that be?

When I have to talk to a person, and he/she stares at me with a face like this

he/she sure as hell gets some negativity across to me,
he/she makes my smile bend.

positivity is the way forward people!
results in a win/win situation (no transfer of negativity)
this doesn't mean you should go about with the smiley grin (as that is not normal and it might get you checked in a mental facility)
but 'try to be that jolly good fellow' is what i preach,

Bad things happen, but its a win/win if you start believing good things can come out of negative situations... all starts with the mind.

THE GOOD WIFE

You see what you want to see, and honestly she doesnt really care what you assume.

you see an evil man...
i see a good wife standing beside that man.
he has his demons, oh yes! he does.
doesn't stop her from loving her man and chastising him the best way she knows how.

you the observer, watching from a distance cant see progress as much as you'll like.
he is condemed in your sight, and every now and then you wonder why..:s
why a good woman (beauty) would give her heart to a 'BAD,BAD' man (the beast).

love is the strongest force i have known.
it can make you compromise, not necessarily your soul
but it'll make a sane woman look foolish
it'll allow kindness be misinterpreted for stupid.

everyday she watches her mans wall crash
everyday some victory you know nothing of occurs.
you see a wolf, she sees a scared dog getting tamed.
love is all the definitions including;stupid

when you throw stones at him and call him names
she'll stick closer to him.
rather be down with the man of her dreams,
than be up, yet feel lonely in a world full of familiar faces.

love is blind and blind love is dangerous.
her love for her man is not dangerous
he respects her but terrorisies you.lol
he knows a good woman prays each day for his soul.

i know this woman, i love this woman.
i wrote this while trying to figure out why 'BAD BAD' men survive.
and i realised for some, some loved one keeps praying.....



. . . A Word of PRAYER changes EVERYTHING . . . #TYGA

the love of a father.

The love of a father is UNCONDITIONAL.

my father should care if im on Track or Not... but for however long it takes me to get on track..., not for one second should i doubt that my dad loves me.

i met a father, who lost his son. 2 days after the death, he's words to me were " God is love, if God took my son, its was in love...in love of me (his dad), in love of him (son), and in love of you (karen) and any other person who cared.
I love his perspective of Fatherhood...he looked to his God as his father.

Children are gifts from God
fathers should never stop loving their kids (showing it)
its a life long responsibility.
Unloving fathers create unloving kids,
who become unloving friends, unloving husbands and probably bring forth their kind of offspring.
rollercoaster ride .....where is the change in that????

if your earthly father wont love you enough (they are not perfect).
then yours God should love you as a father.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY.

i probably dont say it enough..im blessed with a dad , col gi Ayuba i love you dad.

My Robot Heart

Withheld truth Vs Lie / Withheld truth = Lie.

There's always two sides to a story,
The side the people believe,And the side we refer to as "The lie".
Whether or not the side the people believe, is the truth...
that side would survive (win) the test of time.

let's say the side the people believe is but indeed "the actual lie"
The truth would tarry.
For how long it would tarry, no one knws.
But surely someday the truth would surface.
Whether we live to see it or not.

That's a point!..but that's not the point I'm tryn to make.
These is the point I'm trying to make:
Do we know how many lies we've believed,simply by believing the leading stories?

If I had enough money,
I could pay every necessary publisher, radio/tv station to broadcast my lie .
"make the people believe".
the only dude with the truth might not be able to do much with the necessary channels,
and perhaps "the lie" doesn't affect him in any way(or so he thinks).
So d truth stays with this man, till he sees reason to give "the truth" to the right ear.
FYI :-other scenarios can play.

When there are no facts,Then Its just a story!
Not necessarily the truth.

I need an answer to these question.
Question: if I withhold the truth, should I be considered a liar or mute?
If no, when am I allowed to withhold the truth?

*these are honest questions, I need answers* thanks in advance :).

WHAT I DIDN'T SAY;

you cant change a man/woman,
but every being is subject to change.
that's the only constant thing in life.
once upon a time you didn't know how to say 'A' and now you can scream 'A,B,C,D.....1,2,3, ..K,A,R,E,N',
and there was a time you didn't even know you crawled... and now you see pictures from your past that prove to you, you weren't always a giant and on your 2 feet, in fact you were on your knees.

It is in every individual the power to change. however, the will to change is not in every.If you hate change,you hate growth.
i said you cant change a man/woman.
what i didn't say is "you cant be the reason for change".
so when people claim "people don't change"<-----where is this coming from????????" if you have all the time in the world;please, by all means be a reason for change! if you want to change them for good, its harder than if you want to change them for bad. but bottom line is when a 'good girl goes bad'... most times, its just because its that easy!
its harder to make a bad boy turn good.

have a lovely day.

ALL THE POWER I HAD TO LOVE YOU.........

its realer than it actually feels/looks
all the things we take for granted might hunt us someday
theres actually fire on this mountain top and its funny how no one is panicking (me included)
the ones who have power think its all about gaining more power
using power to gain more power but doing absolutely nothing other than selfish deeds with power.
you draining your power source,
they make you who you are, you gain strength from your people
the ones you treat like dirt.
all the power i had to love you.... all gone
kept fading away.
you have deceived me far too many times
every time i gave another chance i thought you'll be smart enough to change
i really hope you change this time.

i'm not alone, most of us have no faith in you
we gain strength in numbers..
sooner or later more would realize
this is our pride, we handed it to you
trusted you with everything, yet we are treated like slaves in our own land,
our inheritance..
well this is all we have.
for the sake of peace i hope for CHANGE.

For Boredom Sake

young love, cute yeh? why do they remind me of some other couples??

this couples ------>

when you wonder why this is a post on my blog pls read the title of the post again..
safe. xoxo

Hank Moody, the Runkles and Ed Westwick (Chuck bass)

La Petite Mort. But i call it :- The Break Up; episode 12, season 2 Californication.......

Charlie Runkle and the porn star Daisy had break up sex that lasted literally only 2 seconds. Define that as the Perfect breakup.
2 seconds??? in 2 seconds, count 1,2 GBAM! shit was over! dead! no revival. 2 seconds O_O?
his d*&k gave up in 2 seconds.. it was like "nah mehn aint feeling this no more" lol.

charlie and marcy


i find the Charlie Runkle and Marcy Runkle love story Sweet, unlike the Hank Moody and karen (girlfriend) love <----- lead characters. They can start their very own series and call it "The Stupidity Of Love".. round and round circles, i get so dizzy, whats next already? i suppose season 3 and 4 would say. supposed grown ups acting like 19 year olds.. thats not the beauty of love is it? hope not! then what do i know about love right? marry her already and end this series.

hank and karen



p.s you should see chuck bass, ed westwicks' character in season 3 :D (one love to the gay community, we dont discriminate ;))

focus on boobs not Ed Westwick .

paying attention to details.

Everyday, there is supposed too be some good versus bad battle going on yeh?
And how do we tell which side is winning?
if there was a balance would the world be alright?
well i think we need a solution. dedicating all our energy to discusing facts and the obvious has gotten us NO WHERE.

Today i discovered the power of detail in this case;the guest toilet in an organization i had to visi, i also realised the dangers in dealing with a crisis from the top and why you really have to know your earth before putting up your foundation.

you dont want to start from scratch, do you?
no balance in the universe! thats just what it sums up to.
To say the universe would be better if there was a balance, i really cant predict how factual that could be. but to say how boring it could be is predictable.

A solution to a problem. We have access to facts,which is access to knowledge.
if knowledge is power, it means we have access to power.
The reason for this post is only because i walked into an organization and got digusted by the sight of the visitors toilet. Can you imagine the image i would have to suffer when ever the company name comes up in any conversation? the damage!
if only the management had their visitors toilet clean..

Most of us acquire knowledge, so we know... but we never use this knowledge.
what is sad is not how stupid we have become, but how we can have free gifts and yet not notice.

We are all but victims and creatures on earth.

AH AH! "EHH! " KMT.

1. very true.

3. blehh! never happened to me.

5. 0_o

9. LMAO thats right (in joshs' mums voice"

10.thats soo african!

15.exteme.. haha

17. ah ah! "ehn!"kmt.

19. i have blue and orange in my bathtub.

20. my mothers freinds must be my freinds?? still dont get that "uninterested smiley" love you mum.

21. ok.

23. typical of my igbo bros, no disrespect:D. im northern and we have our flaws too.

25. if candles and lamps or lamps are too cheap, mikano gens are available (they should pay me for this ad).

My own advice to me: if it helps you then i'm happy.

In ALL things put God first.

I employ you to be optimistic, what pleasure do you have in reaching out for the negatives???

Silence is a gift sometimes, your knowledge is useless with the wrong crowd.

Think before every action. i like to think life is like chess, the king you try to protect is your soul.

When all your efforts prove to fail, try praying. better still try prayer first, other efforts might not be required after all.

Treat humans like you'll want another human to treat you.

Dream bigger dreams, what ever you are dreaming of at the moment aint big enough x_x lol

Be polite; thanks! please! and a simple greeting goes a long way.

Dont judge people, feel free to have an opinion- thats the only right you haave in another mans issue, and if your opinion isnt asked for directly or indirectly by people who matter in the issue pls pls pls keep thy opinions to thyself.

Actions are way larger than words.

serenity.

bang! bang! bang! there goes my head

am i focusing too much?

wasting to much time.

haha he looks at me funny,

now am not sure if am nodding in rythm to the beat 0_0

serenity is craved for.

i appreciate your kindness, i love this place, just need a lil time.

need to figure out whats important and whats not

im obviously doing something wrong, or am i in the wrong crowd?

with my friends my nodd is quite normal, they get me,

they'll probably be nodding too, yeh?

abstract, yet very detailed.

this is the story of the night before.

couldnt handle that crowd, had to run home.

prefrence stuck, my bed won.

fyi.. what was left of the night was merry.

Seasons.

As the weather changes, feelings change.

good change/bad change.

intense or mere, pain is pain

whatever the measure, joy is joy.

The sun would burn, help me dry out my trees.

the rains would come, wet and refreshing

i'll light up my sticks when the weather is inbetween

bliss is bliss, whether for a moment or for life.

since nothing is impossible, i choose "for life"

but if for some reason, seasons aint in my favour

i hope to find joy and peace even in a storm

for isnt that the reality of joy?

the ability to truely smile even when all is wrong.

Start in your hood, town or city, dont wait on hollywood.

Start in your hood, town or city.

dont wait on hollywood, cos it sure aint on pause for you,

you want to be famous?

give what you got to your community and watch your people give back.

give your love, give your money, touch a heart, save a life,

make a change, make that vote that'll count...

we all greedy,cos we got blood running through our vains.

greed and hate aint taking us further than there -(aim higher)

you want love- give love

want money- make a donation (give alms,charity, help a friend, dont necessarily mean a dollar bill).

want a change- make a vote with a clean conscience. (not about religion, tribe or clan)

am not even a writter, its just a hobby to me

but am giving this (hehehe) laugh!lol.

LUCKY BASTARDS

who is to say that if i try today i'll suceed?

the options still remain yay/nay.

i dont know if i'll make it if i try,

the fact that i know luck exist makes me lazy at times.

before i start every new thing, am scared of the risk,

ask myself the unknown- would it pay at the end?

some lucky bastard would try without stress, effortlessly,

and at the end ripp every benefit.

sounds funny, its freaking heartrecking

grahh, blehhhhh, yuckkkkkkkk.

if luck is on my side, then "am that lucky bastard :)".

and if luck aint by my side.....

then my "middle fingers" goes out to luck.

p.s if luck is GOD i take it all back.

and p.s- i aint hating on lucky bastards, share your joy ;).

THOUGHT

No 2 ways about it!

We all are going to die, some soon, some later.

We all hope for later than soon, well except for some other few *with their own reasons*

Ultimate is where u go to after death.

If there is really hell or a heaven depends on your belief.

We can't all be wrong, somebody is right, yeh?

Then again we all believe we are right.

If life is a puzzle! Its a gad damn hard puzzle.

Some people say they know the secret to getting through life easy!

Said its in a book.

Heard the book is cheap, so why haven't we all read it?

Back to my point.

We all gonna die someday, at least be happy before you die, and go to a place we are/not sure of.

Now I get why many people act the way they do.

Life is a real hard puzzle.

Welcome me to reality.

Hot, Cold, or Lukewarm?

Where is the balance?

Lukewarm, warm, hot or cold...

In the world, yet not of this world;

The devils all around, yet I shouldn't fear.

Have u heard of the devils deeds?

Well then again! Have you heard of my Gods wonders?

His ways, so different, yet time would tell that's the only way.

NoBody Test Me!

So she's talking, talking about how she gained her victory over all them spiritual stuff, and am thinking "good for you! Of late been noticing my luck has been off balance" F*#k that.

Dropping all my troubles at my redeemers feet, nobody test me *MI's voice*. Don't touch my star, don't even stare at my skys, its upwards from henceforth.

On the cross, at his feet, I laid all my crap.

ITS ALRIGHT.

Why do people die before we realize?

But death aint the end...

Death seems to have lost its victory,

Its a door to a better place.

Oh death! Where the hell is your sting?