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Wednesday, 9 September 2015

A Need ToType...Document The Moment.

1) I am sleepy, I have writers block, i don't even consider myself a writer...

2) I want to type. its 2:07 am... what's on my mind?

3) Probably should be reading a good book...

4) I believe in Miracles, I believe in the power of prayer, I believe Gods word is true.

5) Just now, at no 4, I was fighting a negative thought with the word.

6) What will I eat tomorrow a.m, that's a serious question!

7) Fati Mamza gave me a wake up call yesterday.

8) I falter like every day. "its not by power, nor by might"

9) The Word of God will guard your mind, counter every word that speaks against the word He has said.

10) You are beautiful. and one day you'll know how special you are.

11) Can i stop at no 10? writers block (and I am not a writer)



Monday, 18 May 2015

My truth, upside-down living.

This upside-down way of living...
Truth isn't admired; most will rather live in denial.
or maybe we just don't know the truth...
but then I wonder,
the concept of conscience must mean that deep down, within
we all know the truth.
I conclude that We are sometimes, not strong enough to accept truth.

We live in a society that preaches a Little bit of bad doesn't hurt.
these illusion, the attraction of evil, the little time of fun we get out of it,
Is very much the "in thing".
We crave The acceptance from society,
The need to be loved by society...
Gets us to conform to their rule,
Besides, every one is doing it, it's the norm.

nobody wants to be the goody tissue
Its seen as weak,
this upside-down life, is the world's reality today.

Deep down,We want peace so bad,
but we are to lazy too chase after it
Do we even give it a try? I wonder.
Too afraid of persecution. Sigh
Upside-down world,
living a lie is the real sign of weakness, I tell you.
but we've been led to believe it's the symbol of an "open mind".
Nobody wants the work that comes with living in truth
you are seen as the black sheep, blacklisted...
how did this happen?
How did this happen?
Why are you punished for being good?

I'm not writing to judge
Not writing to change any ones perspective/opinion
I'm not even writing to help you see The truth about the lies we are led to believe
Maybe I'd do that in another post.
today I'm writing for myself,
to assure myself I'm not mad.

I'm not the best, will never claim perfection
The difference between the people who accept the lie and those who chase the truth
Is only that we try,
For just 1 reward, PEACE.
We try...

peace in mind, peace in soul, peace in body.
I tried killing my conscience once...
I lived in denial for a while,
I chased after acceptance,
I found nothing but pain.
became a deceiver,
the most ridiculous thing, was that all that time,
it wasn't the world I was deceiving, I was deceiving myself.
And that's the worst, how do you hate yourself so much, you lie to yourself.
It's a shame, was a shame...
I'm most grateful for grace, and for the strength to change.

I got the acceptance I craved for,
a lot of friends, but still no Joy
I was neither here or there
Just living for acceptance, to please the people...

the truth hunt my conscience so bad
I'll cry at night and wonder if everyone was going through the same thing,
was it just me?
someone said " smiles on faces with sad eyes"
that was me.
I wasn't happy, I wore a disguise,
I had this mask, a pretty face
Ugly heart, a vacuum, I wasn't the real me.

So what changed?
I accepted the truth, still growing and learning about me
I am beautiful, a perfect creation, God made no mistake
flaws and all as long as daily, i thrive sincerely for a better me.
I have no mask, not any more,
I'm happy with how far I've come.
I gained my freedom from depression
now i love freely
and I'm not afraid of not being accepted, cos I'm different
Cos I'm not about the norm any more.
The norm, we got it wrong, it's upside-down.
my peace, my Joy, is worth more than the worlds acceptance.

I refuse to bow to the upside-down style of living.
I refuse to lie and become a lower version of me
just to please the world.
I love being me, knowing me,
learning about who i could, should and would become
its a process...
and I'm enjoying every bit of it.

to everyone out there who is afraid of the truth.
truth is, that's where your freedom is.
and that's where real love exist.
cos first you love you, then, you attract only people who geniunely love you too...
Then you are at peace with you, and you are able to find the purpose of your existence
... because you love you, and because of less distractions
you are able to pursue a destiny that was designed for you.

Greatness my dear, is what you are made of.
stay blessed
and i pray to God who made you, that you find you.
Peace will stem from truth.

With all my love

I'm not ordinary, neither are you...but you'll know just how spectacular you are, after you've found you...

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

The reason

I have searched for purpose.
In your little box, everything may be perfect, or not...
In your little world, there's a little window, where you get your view from,
your perspective of life and your reality.
It a just a glimpse of the whole picture, it's just a view,
it's only your view.

Chaos! That's the beautiful full view.
A mix of everything imaginary, a world full of all possibility.
There is nothing new, 
everything imaginary the earth has seen.
Everything imaginary this world can create.

I need to understand.
I have searched for purpose.
What's the reason ?
Why am I here?

Understanding is not enough.
What shall I do with what I know.
My view: sometimes it's sunny, sometimes it rains
Sometimes it's stormy, sometimes I see rainbows
My perspective changes
Why am I here?

Riches and splendor no longer ignites anything in me.
The reality; knowledge of death,eternity,peace,human nature,the soul
My spirit yearns for more .
I want to know the purpose.
Why am I here?

I want to be great, I want to achieve.
I want to build nations out of encounters.
I want to influence, I yearn to help, I want to love.

One step at a time.
Lord teach me how to Love.
How to Love you, to love myself and to love others .

The bitterness and hate diluted in the world altered my perspective.
Its still a struggle.
Each day I find out the world isn't as beautiful.
Bad surpasses good.
Good isn't desired, never has.
Fact is, no one is good.
Either way, is anyone trying?

One day at a time.
My spirit would not crumble.
Love is the purpose.
Love is what I seek.

There is no reason, the world is a maze.
there's no reasonable explanation for everything.
at least, not yet.
Round and round we go,
all we have is a view.
beautiful chaos.


You forget how heart break feels after a while,
But when it comes again, do you remember what saved you the last time?

Personally, I can't remember...
Taking it  one day at a time
I hear survival rate isn't that bad
People survive so I'll be all right

It's hard to get up from bed in the morning
Then I pray for strength
God is constantly faithful, always a kind word
I gain strength and then I rise

It's not all smiles as hours fade
But daddy always says "tears wont change the past"
sometimes I let a tear roll, other times I just pray

That's all I have
I wondered what prayer had to do with a broken heart
The heart break is a wonder itself
I'm too dazed for sad songs
My solace is found when I say "God help me, it hurts"

I know he hears, I know he cares
I've made it to the 2nd day, yes?
One day I'll be all fine...I don't care if I believe this
Really not sure I do
But I have to keep saying it
"One day I'll be fine"

Wrote this piece Oct 2012, glad to say, I'm fine today, better today.