Been a while...

Busy, busy, busy, 

What has my mind been up to?

Renewal, thinking big, pushing hard, seeing change, thriving for more positive change.

I'm stronger today than I have ever been all my life.

Maze

Why does it hurt, Is it supposed to?
I knew what I had and then it walked away
LoL these is the man with the other side of the story.

Why does it hurt after doing everything right
Shouldnt you have the last laugh
last man smiling?

The problem with doing any good and expecting rewards/notice.
men and thier weakness...
high expectations from mortals, sigh.

"Yes we can" dont mean we would.

life is a maze. Its confusing, slowly does it.
no reward for the rabbit with fast legs, no crowns.

my life is a movie in slow motion & I really dont mind

MAZE, slowly does it.  Goodnight.

win some, lose some, lose all.

May 2014: I have come a long way. Actually, not so long. 24 years of existence and change has been constant., adapting has gotten easier.

The old me has passed away and the new me would eventually have a wider picture, a different point of view..hopefully every change makes me a better individual.

"mane duniya?" Truelly I pray for more smiles than frowns as each day passes.
to be in charge of my fate, to pave my path making right decision.
these days im not afraid of failure, I am not ashamed of all my flaws.
accepting imperfection, seeing beauty in my growth.
learning to understand, learning to love.
learning to forgive, learning privacy
continual search for true wisdom (the kind Jesus showed)


Only 24 years and see how life has changed.
And I'll be 60 (if the Lord tarrys) and nothing might be the same.
Life...

what would my story be? Lord make it.


This post was written to let out a feeling; its hard to let go, but even good things change...not necessarily for worse never the less its hard to let a good thing go.but change is constant and maybe the lesson is to never get comfortable, to be ready and whole.

My Denny Crane & Alan Shore relationship.

In the man I end up with I want a best friend,
Someone to confide in, tell secrets, love deeply and know deeply.
I want all the Essence of love
The beauty, passion, desires...
All the colors, shades, ways.
I'll like to face the world with this person
I want a man that would always have my back
A trusted partner, one I can give all that I am with no doubts, no fears.

I like Denny Crane and Alan's relationship
They seemed married even though they played the roles as best friends.
So Different, yet in love.
Always having one another's back
At the end of the day, they always made a toast to life with each other.
... I want a Denny Crane & Alan relationship.
It's funny when I think of the perfect relationship, I see 2 men,seating on a balcony at evening time, sipping on scotch...





For now I'm single, and I'll like to have this with My Lord.

Seek ye first the kingdom...and my Denny would surface... ;)

You Are Beautiful.

Today I sat beside a lady at church, she came in with her kids, a young boy, maybe 5 and a baby girl still sucking on tits :)

This year 2013 was a fresh start "to thy own self be true" kinda says what my plan was at the beginning  of the year.
So I cut the crap, and told myself some truth.
So far so good..
You are beautiful, you are delicate, created with a purpose in mind, you are great and only you has the power to take away these truth from you.<---- illumination.="" p="">
Bright lights of truth and honesty piercing through thick darkness and forcing illumination.

...Back to the lady, her baby had no pampers, she cried a lot because of discomfort.
Her son wore dirty clothes, playful young man, extremely happy fellow..mucus dripped down from his nose. He tried to make his sister stop crying (Big brothers are from heaven! )

Their mummy's Hair was a mess, she wore an old dress and looked like she had really made an effort using what she had. She loved those 2 youngsters, I could tell, and from how her baby smiled at her when mummy swinged her safely to dance as hymns were sung, I could tell her baby loved her too.

her baby had no towels, no napkins, no bottles..she used pieces of Ankara as substitute for pampers. made me cry ;(.
I love that lady, she looked so beautiful when I looked straight in her face as she blessed me. With a little grooming Pow!!! She's a stunner.

How did she get into this mess is not the question, she made me forget she was in so much stress...she looked like she had hope.
She blessed me..said a prayer for me; Not a dollar in hand, but a smile, some dancing and singing to share.

We get so caught up in our troubles, blinded by darkness we lie to ourselves/believe lies.forgetting who we truly are we become so small we become slaves to a lie, trapped in our own prisons, held captive for no just cause.

This lady knows who she is, and it wont be long before others know her for who she truly is...
Aware of her situation, but not driven by fear or gloom or selfpity.
She knows who she is, and soon enough the world will too.

Don't get stuck in the darkness, you are BEAUTIFUL.

The pressure of trust

The pressure from a complete stranger saying "I trust you".

Where do you know me from and why do you trust me so???

Sigh! The fact that i know I can be a complete disaster, I can mess up, I can completely fuck you over.

But for the grace of God I am like any other mess, walking clueless, I am completely human.

Fear almost had me, and it was just fear that I wasn't going to measure up with the expectations of a stranger that handed me complete trust,  I knew my power to fuck up (trying to help you understand the post). Kai fear dealt with me smh.

deadly fears, the ones that have the power to kill all my dreams if I let them

*being alone in the world, forgetting what friendship means and allowing myself get so lost In the trials of this cruel earth while i disconnect from those whom i love , the ones that love me back, my friends.

*listening to the voice that whispers facts, ignites the fear of the unknown and feeds me lies, luring me to accept all realities I'm not comfortable with and ignore the bases of faith concerning the unknown

Worry dealt with me, fear almost swallowed me

Oh! But where is my faith? The truth is; I am weak but he is strong.

In confidence & quietness shall be your strength . Lord, I need thee every hour....

Poet / Prophet

 Look! Listen!
    God’s arm is not amputated—he can still save.
    God’s ears are not stopped up—he can still hear.
There’s nothing wrong with God; the wrong is in you.

Your wrongheaded lives caused the split between you and God.
    Your sins got between you and God.
No one speaks up for the right,
    no one deals fairly.
They trust in illusion, they tell lies,
 they hatch violence.
They compete in the race to do evil
    and run to be the first to murder.
They plan and plot evil, think and breathe evil,
    and leave a trail of wrecked lives behind them

They know nothing about peace
    and less than nothing about justice
Which means that we’re a far cry from fair dealing,
    and we’re not even close to right living

We long for light but sink into darkness,
    long for brightness but stumble through the night.
Like the blind, we inch along a wall,
    groping eyeless in the dark.
We shuffle our way in broad daylight,
    like the dead, but somehow walking.
We’re no better off than bears, groaning,
    and no worse off than doves, moaning.
We look for justice—not a sign of it;

Our wrongdoings pile up before you, God,
    our sins stand up and accuse us.
Our wrongdoings stare us down;
    we know in detail what we’ve done:
Mocking and denying God,
    not following our God

Justice is beaten back,
    Righteousness is banished to the sidelines,
Truth staggers down the street,
    Honesty is nowhere to be found,
Good is missing in action.
    Anyone renouncing evil is beaten and robbed

God looked and saw evil looming on the horizon—
    so much evil and no sign of Justice.
 not a soul around to correct this awful situation.
So he did it himself.
He dressed in Righteousness, put it on like a suit of armor,
    with Salvation on his head like a helmet,
Put on Judgment like an overcoat,
    and threw a cloak of Passion across his shoulders

He’ll make everyone pay for what they’ve done:
    fury for his foes, just deserts for his enemies.
    Even the far-off islands will get paid off in full.
In the west they’ll fear the name of God,
    in the east they’ll fear the glory of God,
For he’ll arrive like a river in flood stage,
    whipped to a torrent by the wind of God

“I’ll arrive in Zion as Redeemer,
    to those in Jacob who leave their sins.”
        God’s Decree

ISAIAH 59.

I am curious.

Where is my way out of reality
Hard work is hard
I want to be able to sustain me
I don't want to need anything asides the basics
Love, air, food, water, light, good sleep.
I want peace and I don't want to stress

To get where I have determined to be,
I must move/work/thrive
After I've poured out my sweat
After I've done all of this
Will I find rest
 or  begin to thrive for another goal I'll set?
I'm not scared, life hasn't killed me yet
I'm curious
Is life all work?
Do I ever get to say alas now I have no needs I must strive for?
I'm curious. I want to know.

I'll find out someday, maybe tomorrow
But after tomorrow, if life goes on
Does my work/walk continue?

Show Mercy...

I let myself chase after lost souls...
how do i know i am not one 'lost soul'?
why do i always come back,
always on the same path of forgiveness,
back to the source of my pain.
why do i love deeply?
why do i cherish their souls?
why is the path to forgiving paved with pain?
and why do i choose this path?

I always find myself back at the same place
i promised myself I'll never be back to.
this time, i wont make myself that promise.
cos i know i may find myself right back here...
hurting again. a price you pay for kindness!

I know theres a way out of these pain, experience taught me,
its not easy to forgive, but for FREEDOM sake and
so i am not stuck in a bad memory,
so i don't have deadly venom weakening my spirit and killing me slowly
for these reasons once again i"ll let YOU go.
once again I'll let IT go.

I'll take many deep breaths and just let it go!
these pain is not worth my freedom.
theres some pain medicine in FORGIVENESS.
forgiving the one that brought you pain.
taking some pain medicine by showing Gods love and forgiving
cos once upon a time weren't we all sinners?
but for the grace of God!

Again, I'll take your crap, i wont hurt you back...
instead, I'll let IT go.
I'll let YOU go
I'll forgive you

...cruel world, I'm in love with my vision and not reality

what good do we do by loving only those who love us? thats easy.

Calling to remembrance.

You'll help me out and I'll praise you for doing so, I'll probably say: "oh, thank you sir/ma/sis/bro, you'll never understand how grateful I am, I'll never forget your act of kindness"

And i sincerely don't intend to forget , but after years go by... Am i still as appreciative?

Our ability to forget as time goes by becomes a flaw, especially when its the important things we forget.

Let's keep counting our blessings irrespective of the sights we see. From my existence on this side of life I've realized that for a fact; troubles are promised, and most of the time our reaction is shock and a the realization of how limited our power really is.

I've come to understand  that dwelling on the troubles doesn't change the situation. And I've found peace in bad times just by remembering the good times, counting all the good, and learning from the negatives,but not dwelling on it.

I call to remembrance all the blessings, for a truth many I'm undeserving of... But still somehow I'm blessed. I tell myself I'll be blessed again. And by this I draw strength from the pain.

I'll close this note with One of my favorite scriptural verse ; rejoicing in hope, patient through tribulations and continuing steadfastly in prayer Romans 12:12.

God bless :*

Agatha

She was trapped, and afraid to escape,
It seemed like everyone around her felt
stuck, confined, content with dirt.
Dampened spirits no one cared to fight anymore.
She wasn't comfortable so she made her way of escape.

Agatha ran the race of her life when she finally broke free
She was free at last,
Oh so good! fresh air.

Agatha was free at last, and she
Found her way to the highway,
The road, she started the journey. But,
every person she trusted for help had seen her on the news

She's been declared wanted by her captor
and there's a ransom
It became hard to trust anyone,
she lost faith, I think she felt she was free but alone
Bounty hunters all around.

Agathas freedom has been compromised.
All She wanted was to be out of prison
She wasn't ready for this, didn't bargain for this.
So sadly and slowly Agatha stopped fighting
She surrendered to her hunter
And they put her back in prison.

Note:
It's not important what her crime is
This wasn't a lawful prison.
Agatha failed to plan well, she wasn't prepared, that's why she failed.

Thought :
I think Agatha shouldn't get comfortable with failure,
I hope she tries again,
and this time with a good plan.

What's the truth?

The destroyer thrives on fear.
And it's the fears we've refused to admit
I'm not only preaching to you, I'm preaching to me.

We're afraid of something
We're afraid to  dig deep
We don't even acknowledge the destroyer as the enemy
He has become 'a friend'
We Believe in a system, but a system filled with flaws
There's no peace when we believe lies.                              Selah.
1+1 equals 2, but in these system that doesn't sum up

Here, What we substitute for joy is mere 'fun'
last just for a moment.
(See, joy is soul deep, can't be fabricated)
Insatiable want, a need, we desire more...
We just are to scared to admit it, but we know it

There's got to be more to life.
Something is wrong with the system.
Ehmmmmm, so why are we so afraid of  the TRUTH?

From the New York Times.

“When we open a market, everyone asks, ‘How many stores will you open?’ ” he said. “Honestly, I didn’t know. It depends on the customer and how big the demand is. We must have the dialogue with the customers and learn from them. It’s not us saying you must have this. It’s you saying it.”

In New York, they did one page saying they were opening — in The New York Times,” Echevarría said. “But it’s not a campaign; it’s an announcement; it’s information. The company does not talk about itself. The idea was that the client was to talk about the company. It was not to say how good it could be. The customer would say that if it was deserved.”

while Spain has been suffering through real estate and debt crises (following the global financial crisis), Inditex has prospered. Echevarría said that is because the customer is always determining production — not the other way around. Every piece of clothing the company makes has, in a way, been requested. A business model that is so closely attuned to the customer does not share the cycle of a financial crisis.

“Actually, the customer is more or less the same in New York and Istanbul,” she said. “There are differences, like Brazilian girls like more brilliant colors, whereas in Paris they use more black. But in general when you find a fashion trend, it’s global.”

Inditex takes the fashion pulse of the world. A trend can last a half a year, but some are finished in a month.

Christian Louboutin took Inditex to court for selling the company’s signature red-soled shoes but lost, mainly because Inditex takes care to change its designs just enough to evade copyright laws.
Golsorkhi says. “I was of the same mind myself, but I have grown out of that because I realize that the fashion companies also copy each other. In the end, no one’s original.”

They have done process innovation very well,” says Nelson Fraiman, a professor at Columbia Business School who has studied the Inditex model. “Product innovation? No. But tell me one Chinese company that has done product innovation very well. They are brilliant at process. I think you should give a cheer for process innovation.”

He was talking about Zara (the store).

Dear Josh, I'm beginning to understand why we met.
Life is what life is and I had to learn through you that good people didn't go extinct.
You told me not to change, it's hard to stay nice,  humans can be mean, very mean.

Life went on after you left...
I've met all sorts of people, its hard to not be naive, its hard to just jugde from the first glance,
And its impossible to know how the story ends from the beginning...
It always starts off fine then I'm 'WOWED' oh well!
People are amazing :)

Naive as I was, you never took advantage,
You weren't perfect but I saw you try,
That you tried made the difference.
You were as confused as I am about the world and its people,
You were also strong enough to know there was hope.
I hope you know, me finding you was me finding hope.

You didn't come and vanish... You made an impact, memories to last.

I've come to understand, that to live sane is to understand there's a purpose for every thing.
Its okay that you're gone, different phase. Spirits never die that's consoling :)..
You were a good man, I now know its not easy to stay good, but even with all your trials you gave it a try...
Hey! See where it got you, at least it got you a name.
A good name.

I know you're okay, I know you're fine. You owe me nothing, you were a young man who deserved peace.

To the great beyond my best friend, my unofficial ex.. I know you smile, my friend lives on. And you know? Just for that I smile back too...
I'll keep trying josh, I won't change.
I miss you Josh.

Hope, faith and love

Does it hurt? Yes! Now and then,
right now not at all
Wounds heal, you shouldn't run from the memories
After a while scars can make you smile,
The lessons they taught, the future they paved.

Do I hurt? When it hurts I cry,
Not immune to pain, I have thick skin, I'm human.
Do I forget? Nope.
But do I forgive?  Yup.
Lifes to short to hold a grudge
If I must live at least let me live in peace.
Hate is poison in ones soul
Ewww slowly dieing, a painful way to die.

Do I love you? Yes with all my heart.
Do I understand why you'll hurt me? Probably never will.
The sooner we understand not all questions would be answered the better.
I don't really care that you can be evil at times
I can be evil at times too..
But for the grace of God where would I be?

When my wounds heal
When I see my scars.
I won't remember the evil I saw,
I'll remember why I love you.
I hear love keeps no record of wrong.
Hope, faith and love.
The greatest really is Love...

We Rise

I am not where I want to be
But I'm en route destination..
Does result justify all means?
The long,hard and honest path or short cuts,
Which is appropriate? Which is my choice?

Does pain make one stronger,
Still must I go through the pain?
And why compare man to steel?
Steel goes through the heat, must man do the same?

Tell me a story, a story of a man
How a man got to his destination
Yet endured no pain.
"its not if a man is king, but how he wears the crown"

Grateful for another day.
Still breathing, so then I still have purpose.
Today my choice would tell
What the future holds for me

Nothing is as certain as rock
But I pave my way,
The power of my actions,
I am a god
I make my own way.

To go through the long honest route
And endure, or
Go the other route and seat on the throne in a short while.
I've heard patience makes one stronger,
Patience is a battle with ones self,
Who wins at the end?

Why compare man to steel?
The Spirit of man lives forever,
Steel has no soul.
But if everything has purpose, what is its purpose?
Perhaps to tell a story. Who knows.....

There is purpose in our pain.
"after the fire has tested me,I will come out as gold"
From the ashes... We rise.

MORALITY

Its below the balance. I speak of morality.
we've strayed away, forgotten the lessons once taught by the elders
forgotten the voice of our conscience.
We think old people equals old mind
we are blind, we assume they know nothing of this century,
things have changed, thats our excuse.
but nothing is new under the sun. if u think of it from that perspective....
it becomes - different scene, same problem, same basic technique (or advanced technique).
the truth is the truth, it would never change
history repeats itself, learn from the wise
i could save myself a lot of trouble if I'll just listen.


ask self : whose voice am i listening to? note that you are listening to someone, theres always a voice.

Sister

How can i not call you sister
How can i not hurt when you hurt?
How can i not care and
why wont i walk a mile in your shoe,
to know where it hurts...
why haven't i apologized?
why do i hold a grudge, bearing a cross..
isn't it easier to forgive?
the world is bad , the world is terrible
thats the more reasons as to why i need you.
i Loved you once, I'll love you again
let me apologize for the both of us
cos it hurts to see you just walk away.

i pretend i am strong,
its the lie i tell myself
if Love is weakness, then for Love i am a slave.
i say a prayer for you,
for once upon a time we were friends
i'm ready to go back, to risk it, being hurt again
I'll be smarter, but a risk I'm willing to take.
its really sad to see you just walk away.

i still love you, so i always say a prayer for you
" Dear Lord, i love her, im no better than she is
and im sure you love me so i know you love her too..
pls bless her dear Lord, in your hands i commit my dear friend"
See, i always smile when you walk into the room
always happy to see you, just till you walk away....

kerions outtro

I refuse to be another black statistic
A black man who can wine and dine in the sin of the world and still be considered a christian
I plan on being great
I care not to be less
 I refuse to wear a bar-code across my chest
I refuse to let a black tee or throwback jersey define me
I refuse to let my children witness divorce
Or make mature decisions in court
I refuse to grow up carrying the generational curse
I refuse to feel the need to curse in my verse
I hate being automatically looked at when someone asks can anyone rap
I wanna be a black man that can flip it from urban to corporate measures
A black man who doesn't gain knowledge from the world for his own pleasures
 A black man who reps Christ to the fullest with no regrets
My only regret is the stigma that many black statistics in the past have set
Like going to jail, bragging about bail, leaving our kids, cussing at church,
married and you still flirt, no father present at birth
Animosity within the ministers of our church
I refuse to let my people be viewed as temporary
I plan on planting a seed not for the moment but for one thats legendary
As for statistics
My father broke the mode
And i feel its my job for the next generation to continue in it
 Because i refuse to be another black statistic.


from the album Hero, by kirk Franklin.

Most times its with the best of intentions we do what we do,
Sometimes actions get misinterpreted.
You do not listen to what I'm saying,
Instead you hear what you assume i am saying
That’s when we lose focus....
Wondering, trying to understand "who i think i am to judge"

In need of forgiveness
You need to be forgiven
Crimes against humanity, crimes against my brother.
How do you make it in this world without being cold,
At least just once....

Truth could hurt, put that in mind.
Also,  put in mind, my  truth isn't necessarily reality
Just what I see from my point of view
Don’t mean to offend you,
You see, I may be wrong, but i may be right

If what I say aligns with the truth you already know
I.e. your present reality
Then I did my brother well
Hopefully now you can tell, it’s not only you who sees the real you
I am your friend and i see it too

So again I may be wrong, i may be right
But if I don’t say my observations
Isn’t that a crime to a loved one?
Should I leave you in denial?
Then haven’t I robbed you of freedom
For i have left a friend in denial,
Allowed you believe illusions, mirages, all lies.

Please! Forgive me if i am wrong
But what if I am right?